An Open Letter to My Human: Stop Blaming Me for Your Bad Timing

By: Your dog. The one you love, but consistently sabotage.

Dear Human,

First of all, I love you. I really do. You give great snacks, your bed is far superior to mine, and your voice when you say “who’s a good girl?!” is borderline euphoric.

But we need to talk. About your timing.

You say “yes” when I’ve already stopped doing the thing.

You’re over there trying to teach me to “down,” and I’m doing my best. I get into position, chest to the ground—and then... nothing. I blink. I yawn. I think about licking my butt.

Thirty-seven seconds later, you finally say “YES!” Except by then, I’ve already stood up and started sniffing the floor. So guess what you just rewarded?

Sniffing. Not the down. Not the brilliance. Not my brief moment of glory. Sniffing.

You correct me after I’ve already forgotten what I was doing.

You yell “NO!” two full seconds after I’ve jumped on Grandma. Now Grandma’s panicking, I’m confused, and your timing is doing about as much for my behavior as a squirrel on espresso.

You repeat cues like you’re summoning spirits.

“Sit. Sit. Sit. SIT. SIT. SiT?!”

I heard you the first time. I just didn’t think you were serious. And now, I’ve learned that I don’t have to do it the first time. I can wait. Shop around. See what other cues come up.

Your inconsistency is my loophole, and I’m thriving.

When your timing is on, I’m magic.

Look—I’m not here to trash you. When you reward immediately, correct with clarity, and communicate like you actually meant what you said… I shine.

I trot next to you like a service dog in a movie montage. I sit before you even say it. I ignore that chicken bone on the sidewalk like it’s beneath me. I’m a genius.

All I’m saying is: you trained me to be confused, and now you’re frustrated I’m not consistent?

That’s a you problem.

You’re not bad at this. You’re just slow.

But here’s the good news—you can fix it.

Start marking behaviors as they happen. Not three seconds later. Not when you remember. Right. When. They. Happen.

Be clear. Be quick. Be consistent.

I’m not stubborn. I’m not dumb. I just need you to keep up.

With unconditional love (and maybe a touch of side-eye),

Your Dog

Want to be the kind of human your dog would write love letters to instead? Come train with us at Precision K9s and let’s fix your timing—together.

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